The Toddler Diet

I saw this a few years ago and just ran across it again...posting here for posterity!

The Toddler Diet

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People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet).

Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet.

Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet.

You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!!

DAY ONE

Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

DAY THREE

Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: Drop pieces of spaghetti onto back of dog, insert meatball into ear. Dump pudding into Kool-aid and suck up with a straw.

REPEAT DAYS AS NEEDED!

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I've been trying to be better about exercising since I've been so tired I thought it would help shake off the fatigue. Today I did my 35 minutes of cardio, then picked up the kids and took them into the pool. Lauren (7) is swimming like a fish now that she has some upper body strength. Today she jumped in and swam across the pool to me and said, "I know why I am such a good swimmer..."
"Really, Lauren, and why is that?"
"Because I was water born, of course!"

more pics of Christmas

The living room, mid unwrapping...
above: Megan unwrapping her "Horshoe Trilogy" books from St. Nick.
Left: Kat opening her St. Nick gift, a video camera.
Paul is in the goofy Santa hat...unwrapping a Star Trek pez from my mom...might I add he's only had one cup of coffee at this point.

Kat & Stephen enjoying a game of chess!

Christmas

Well, I actually have to start Christmas eve drama...but once again a lesson in flexibility (love to all my fellow DJMs!). Church was overrun with gypsies who thought they were at social hour, not Mass, so I was not in any mood 1/2 way thru to endure any more. I did hear the girls and heard Katherine's solo (which she did beautifully)...but after communion I took the kids not singing in the choir home. No sooner had I walked in the door did the phone ring. Paul, Kat, Megan and Becca were riding home with Aunt Julie when her car overheated on the highway...so I quickly thru our big feast into the oven, loaded the kids back into the van, and took off. Long story short, we didn't get a big sit down family feast, but everyone ate and was in bed by 10. For once I was VERY thankful that everything I had to really do was done and all we had to do was wait on kids to fall asleep so we could unload the closet and "set the scene."
Paul and I were in bed by 11. Kimberly woke me at 3am as usual and then the older three were up at 5 sorting gifts. In my sleepy stupor I yelled at them to go back to bed as they were ruining Christmas for those kids who were still sleeping...they deserve to see the tree fully loaded. Here is a photo of the scene we set for the kids before we went to bed. Everyone really woke up before 7:30 and I got to work on breakfast while they munched on stockings and opened the neighbor's gifts. After everything was in the oven I actually got to watch the kids go wild on their Christmas gifts. I was downing my second cup of coffee and feeling much more like scrooge than the warm Christmas feeling I usually have. Too tired I guess. I went back to bed after everyone was done and slept for another hour. Kids have been in and out all morning playing with neighbors and all their new games and toys...and once again we hear, "this is the best Christmas ever!"

on the dangers of childbirth

I'm stealing this blog entry from one of my favorite blogs I follow. This was just so cute, Paul and I were both laughing...(this family has nine children and their son missed first confession/communion because mom had been on bedrest--ended with an emergency c-sec after a placental abruption at 30 weeks).

An eight year old's observations on the dangers of childbirth...

I was chatting with Nick yesterday on the way to confession and he was wondering aloud if he could possibly get all seven sacraments. I reminded him that it's tough to get both Matrimony and Holy Orders:

Me: Remember Ryan's grandpa? He was ordained a priest after his wife died. So, he got both. It can happen, but it's pretty rare.

Nick: So, I could do that. But, I probably won't get Annointing of the Sick, huh? I don't get really sick.

Me: You never know. I've been annointed five times. Three when I had cancer and twice before Sarah was born.

Nick: That was a good idea. You could have died in childbirth.

Me (growing concerned and wondering which big kid offered Nicky too much information): How do you know that?

Nick: Star Wars.

Me: Oh...

Nick: Luke's and Leia's mom died in childbirth.

Me: Well, that's pretty rare these days. Women just don't die in childbirth often at all. You know that, right?

Nick: Of course. Your husband would have to go to the Dark Side and then strangle you...
That's not gonna happen.

Whew. Glad to hear it.

Eureka we have a winner!

Rebecca finally figured it out...long story so I will try to keep this brief. She was "mad" that Kimberly got two stockings. Paul said, "is her name on it?" Rebecca, "no." I suggested she take it up with her other sisters and maybe they can help her figure it out. Paul quietly followed her upstairs only to see Becca get distracted by a Christmas movie on tv. He came down laughing. Finally Megan and Becca come down and say, "well, this isn't Kimmy's because the baby booties don't fit her. Is it so and so's baby (and they proceed to list off about five people we know who've had a baby in the past four months, or who are now pregnant)?
I finally asked what the pictures said. The ultrasound picture is labeled "Baby Harper." Then they started in with, "is this Kimberly when she was little? Is this you?" I reminded them that my name wasn't Harper when I was little then told them to check the date of the photo. They both stared at it and seemed confused...then Becca finally got a look of revelation, "are YOU having another baby?" THE WINNER IS REBECCA!!!!!!!!!!
The kids all hugged me and told me how happy they were. Although Megan was mad that we'd kept the secret for so long. They've all been bubbling with excitement over being able to cuddle a new baby next summer. Haven't really heard from Stephen. I think he is waiting to see if it is a boy or not...

An Old Fashioned Christmas

Katherine in our Church production of "An Old Fashioned Christmas"...she is so pretty!

catch up on a whole lotta nothing!!!!!!!!

We got our converter box coupons in the mail last week and Paul finally got them hooked up yesterday...yeah, the pictures are so clear it is amazing! AND, now instead of four channels of nothing to watch...we have 12 channels of nothing to watch! LOL! My mom will be happy when she visits as they have the "Retro" channel and several old 70s shows were on yesterday. More PBS and church channels...not much else to offer. Some days I really miss cable!
The older ones and I pretty much spent yesterday baking up a storm! Blueberry bread, peanut butter krunchies, fudge, caramels, and fudgy bon-bons. Today I still needed to make the Martha Washingtons and mexican tea cakes. That should conclude our holiday baking. It will probably have to wait until tomorrow since I'm already exhausted and I still need to pull off dinner (early) as Kat needs to be at church by 5:00 in order to get ready for her big performance at 6. We are taking a friend's mother with us, so hopefully the kids won't kill her!!! She'd had five or six in her day, so I am assuming she can handle a little noise. Geoffrey is performing in the play today with Kat. He and Paul grew up together and went to preschool and kindergarten together...in fact I think they went to school together until Paul was shipped off to St. Michael's in Calif. when he was 13. They went to the ball game last night. Geoff has season tickets to the Tigers and invited Paul....some much needed "away from the family time" for him! Anyway, Geoff's mom lives in town, so we offered to drive her so she could watch her son...I think she is actually looking forward to it. Like most older folks, she doesn't go anywhere unless someone drives her.
Last Thursday I took two kids out for secret Santa gifts. We took two at a time so no one would know who they drew. Usually they pick names in early Nov. and the kids have to make something for their s.s., but this year I was too lazy and forgot...the kids remembered and panicked last week, so I just handed each $20 and said, "buy something this year!" When I got home there were 10 kids in the house...four ours, but six were neighbor kids! Paul was totally oblivious...actually not that much. A neighbor had an emergency with her six year old, so we took in her other two that were home. Two more came home from school, so Paul went down and picked them up and brought them back to our house. The neighbors across the street also came over = houseful! I'm glad everyone feels so comfy that they dump their kids when they need to! It is actually quieter around here with more kids! They all play, oh, and it was the start of that warm front, so it was warm! Yesterday it got up to 68!!!! But today it will be lucky if it gets to 40. The kids were freezing this morning because mommy forgot to turn the heat back on, oops!
Well, I hope your day is a blessed one!

So this morning I came out of my room and saw that the seventh stocking had been emptied...everything was in a chair in the living room. But no one has said anything! I think they emptied it out decided there was nothing good in there...i.e. no candy and then walked off. I told Paul and he laughed and went and put everything back. He is now enjoying this game tremendously!
On another note, Kimberly is no longer my compliant, obedient, "good" child. she is now an obnoxious run-about who I no longer wish to be around!!!!!!!! Just kidding, but she is driving us all batty! All my friends from up north and New Orleans are bragging to me about all the snow they have...we are sitting in the middle of a warm front and it supposed to be in the fifties and sixties today. I'm hoping it will lower our gas bill...this month may force us to sell a child or two!
Time to get back and check the kids for their tests! Two kids still have work to do. Katherine, Stephen and Megan are done.

kids still don't know

This has turned into a game for Paul. We hung seven stockings. I could hear the buzz, "why did dad hang seven?" "can't he count?" "maybe he hung one for himself," and "we should have him put one more up for mom."
Paul doesn't want to directly tell them, he wants them to figure it out, so now it is just funny. We put the ultrasound pics in the stocking and today I bought some little booties and put them in there too, so that if they ever pull down the unnamed stocking and look in it, hopefully they will figure it out! My friends are shocked that they haven't figured it out as my stomach is the first thing that goes...out. I've been doing pretty well at hiding my bump, but come on! We'll see how long this goes on...I'll keep you posted...

Meet Baby Harper (well, this is what he/she looked like on the scan yesterday--I pulled this off the internet). The kids find out tonight, but I just wanted to post that we have a strong heartbeat and things are lookin' good! I thought I was 10 weeks, but baby was more developed and bigger than expected, so the tech decided my due date would be July 5 instead of the 13th...no biggie. All is well and good though! Paul was so amazed to see the pics as he'd never seen one before! Good for his adjustment to reality. More later...

Christmas

Well, the Christmas tree is up...no lights or decorations, but it is up! I unpacked my grandmother's nativity set that my mother shipped to me last summer and the kids were just amazed that something that old was "still around?!?!!" My mother came across it cleaning out her mother's house.
I had gotten ahold of a crayon when I was probably about four or five and wrote "Krissy" across the top of the box. My mom believed it to be truly prophetic and so mailed it to me. I am also the only "religious" person in my family, who has her own home...so it just seemed to make sense. I've been just sitting and looking at it every morning reminiscing upon past Christmas's. Bicycles, stereos, great-grandma's knitted slippers, big Christmas eve dinners, etc. swirl thru my mind. I still can't believe I will be forty next August. Before ya know it I'll be dead and the kids will be all grown with families of their own! Life goes on...
Okay, that was depressing as hell...Saturday, Kimberly decided to empty a box of that packing popcorn (that I had asked one of the kids to put in the attic...she didn't) and the kids decided to have a "snowball" fight in it...they were not happy when mom and dad found them and made them all stay up to clean it up. Paul was heading up to send them to bed when the deed was discovered. The entire upstairs AND stairs was coated. I came in with the hair spray and it soon became much easier to clean it all up. They did finally get to bed close to 10pm. I hope it was worth it!

Katherine's Choir Christmas Benefit Concert

Last night was the Benefit Choir (no charge, but donations accepted for the Hope House, a support facility for women and children with HIV). I have a brief video that shows Katherine in the middle and then I pan down to show everyone (well a portion). The kids were surrounding us around the church. I wish I could've gotten more!

So I am in the office printing out week 2 advent stuff for their lapbooks and I hear Paul telling Megan that she needs to hurry and get her homework done as we are leaving in 90 minutes to go to Mass.
Megan, "It's Monday! Didn't we just go yesterday?"
Paul, "Megan, it is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception, a Holy Day of obligation. you need to get homework done and eat."
Megan, "Eat, what are they serving?"
Paul, "what?"
Megan, "You just said it was a feast..."
me...giggle, giggle!

So yesterday, I took Lauren and Rebecca to the school performance of the Nutcracker. Both of them took friends and for the first time we actually got to see the whole thing...thanks to daddy who stayed home with Kimmy and Stephen! It is nice to go to the school performances as they are a little more laid back and helpful. Someone comes out at the beginning to introduce the story and help the kids with their "ballet manners." He then returns at Intermission to answer questions. Lauren's friend, "Did the sleigh really fly?" Answer, "no, it had special wires that carried it up to a special platform behind the stage." Lauren (asking me as her voice did not carry as well as Lotus'), "how did they get it to snow inside the theater?"
Rebecca and her friend thoroughly enjoyed it. They enjoyed seats that we really wouldn't have ever been able to afford had we seen this ballet on opening night. Mezzanine and almost on top of the stage...the girls really had perfect views! We kinda had a whole girl day as afterwards we went to eat lunch at Cracker Barrel and then I took everyone home. I was utterly exhausted and fell into bed when I got home...sleeping for almost two hours!
Today will be another out of the house day as we have First Friday activities today and I still have to make my potluck meal. We leave in two hours so I'd better get my b*** in gear! Have a blessed day!

Stephen's prayer

So Stephen was given the assignment to make up a prayer thanking God for all the gifts that He gives to us...here it is (dad told him to take up half the sheet of paper):
Thank you God for all the bushes, roses, flowers, trees, stars, the moon, the sun, life, mankind, grass, leaves, branches, rain, snow, hail, atmosphere, Earth, water, food shelter, clothes, eyes, nose, ears, mouth, hair, eyebrows, cheeks, backbone, chin, stomach, organs, long intestine, short intestine, knees, feet, toes, toenails, belly button, arms, shoulders, elbows, wrists, hands, fingers, fingernails, palms and necks that you have willingly and lovlingly given us.

Advent Preparations

Since I feel like I've been whiplashed into Advent, I ordered some lapbooks for the kids to make during Advent. Here is day 1:
The kids seemed to really enjoy it...even though it was a lot of cutting! I also didn't realize this would involve more than one folder, so I was busy cutting and gluing the folders together correctly! I kept loosing them as a Christmas show was on tv last night, so that is why you don't see Rebecca! We were having so much fun, I forgot I had wanted to hit confession last night! St. Paul's is offering confessions to be heard Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays during Advent! Have to hit it up next time!'
Have a blessed day...and yes, I did get more sleep last night!

What is it about kids that they have to leave evidence of their existence everywhere they go? We super-cleaned before Thanksgiving, down to the steam cleaning, dusting, taking down curtains and washing those and scrubbing blinds. I now cannot tell any room was ever clean! The den has scattered DVD cases, paper, crayons and clothing. The classroom, thank goodness is pretty tidy apart from the stray paper and pencil here and there. We won't even speak of what the bathrooms look like. I'm thinking of installing permanent dressers in there as it seems that is where all the clothes end up anyway!
Okay, I am complaining, but it is exhausting cleaning a room and turning around and having it destroyed. I feel like I have six "Pig-pens" living here; remember the character from Charlie Brown? Plus, I am just plain tired! Kimberly for some reason is finding it difficult to sleep in her own bed. She makes her way into our room every night. Sometimes I am so out of it I don't even realize she is there, but last night she came in, wet so much it leaked through her waterproof pants and soaked me. I changed her and put her back to bed, then she came back at 3am to say she had to potty, but I soon discovered it was too late as the second pair of pants were soaked. Second change and put to bed...only to crawl in with us about 45 minutes later, just as I was nodding off...so then I laid there for awhile, dozed A LITTLE and woke up at 5am. Figuring I'd just get up so I could make some scones for the kids for breakfast and go back to bed, I just got up. Got K and M up for school, prayed for them, fed them and sent them out the door. Did a load of dishes that we were to busy to finish last night and laid down on the couch...up comes Kimberly 30 minutes later..."wake up, PLEASE!" So here I sit in an exhausted stupor trying to get on with my day...
I just realized this blog is morphing into me and less about the kids, sorry! So I guess I'd better talk about how great they are now, right?
um........not much in the mood for that! Okay, they aren't that bad, but I have nothing to really speak of except little things..
#1 while dressing Kimberly yesterday, Becca came in the room and just started laughing uproariously..."mom look at Kimmy's bum!" I turned her around and her whole bum was exposed as the seam in her undies was ripped clear across...we all started laughing so hard she passed gas then giggled more about that!
#2 Stephen is doing very well with scouts and they are preparing to be in the parade this weekend.
#3 Lauren is doing much better on her allergy meds. She is compliant and helpful and less annoying than usual.
#4 Becca hasn't been feeling well and suffered from a horrible migraine last night. She ended up going to bed right after dinner...but then I had to get her up to go with us to choir practice at Church. I didn't make her get up, but got her a coke and some Tylenol and she started to feel a little better. I'm taking Becca and Lauren to the Nutcracker on Thursday.
#5 Megan is not being helped by the public school system like I thought she would. I thought I'd fought enough to get her the assistance she needs, but obviously after the progress reports I've seen, she isn't. It doesn't look like it will get any better. I am praying hard about her situation as I don't see homeschooling being an option that I can handle. I'd have to send everyone else to school, just to ensure that she is getting all the attention she needs in order to be successful. At this point I honestly have no idea what to do and feel quite helpless with this child.
#6 Katherine is doing very well, but I do notice her having some difficulties this semester with keeping it all together. I don't know why. She slipped from an A to a B in English and another class is an A- that she had a solid A in last quarter. She is getting excited for their pancake breakfast this weekend, parade, Christmas choir concert and upcoming trip to NY in January.
Paul has been home a lot this year. I'm used to not seeing him from Nov-Jan and he's been home more than not.
Well, I need to get the lazy ones up....
Have a blessed day!